Couples Dealing with Menopause and Manopause
When a woman is going through mid-life changes it is most commonly referred to as menopause. It is a well-known subject. It often becomes labeled as the source of all problems. These are problems that take place during the menopause years.
It is true that a menopausal woman has a lot to deal with. Her partner and family members don’t understand what she is coping with. What can go undetected is, the man is also going through Manopause. This is technically known as Andropause.
Is Manopause Real?
Manopause is a slang term for Andropause. According to research and science, it is real. Andropause can be equated to a woman’s menopause. It results from a drop in the hormone testosterone. Whereas with the women, it is a decrease in estrogen that creates her symptoms.
When Does Andropause Start?
It is estimated that a man’s testosterone levels begin to drop around the age of forty. Indicators are that this is a slow declining process from this age going forward. For women, it is estimated that the average menopause years occur between 45 to 55. The men are beginning what they consider their change of life earlier than the average woman.
Science differs on the decrease of testosterone each year. About 15 to 25% of men over the age of fifty will have a significantly lower level of serum testosterone. This is compared to the levels of what is normal in males aged 20 to 40.
The Hormonal Battles
Men are struggling with their own hormonal issues just as the menopausal women is. This is something that is not highly recognized or talked about.
Often when a woman is going through menopause it puts a big strain on her relationship with her partner. Some couples end up separating and divorcing through this time period. The blame is often put on the menopausal woman. The man admits that he was not able to handle the fallout created by the menopausal symptoms. Not many stop to think that just maybe, the man is dealing with Andropause. This could have played a big role in his not being able to deal with the wife’s menopause.
What Do Some Men Experience with Andropause?
It is interesting to note that some of the symptoms that the women with menopause have, the men do too. Some of the Andropause symptoms are…
- Fatigue
- Decreasing muscle mass
- Increased body fat
- Reduction in strength
- Decline in cognitive health
- Mood disorders
- Erectile dysfunction
When reading this list you almost have to go back and see if it’s referring to menopause.
When Both Worlds Collide
What can you expect when a menopausal woman and a man in Andropause are living in the same house? The answer may be a lot of ups and downs.
Some of the symptoms may be very similar to both. They obviously vary in their intensity and how each individual reacts to them. Something that both the man and woman have in common is perhaps low self-esteem. This could be the most serious issue of all, and the one that demands the most attention.
How Does Menopause Affect Self-Esteem?
Menopause comes with a lot of symptoms and also generates a lot of emotions. One of the big factors is that some of the symptoms affect the appearance of the woman.
Weight Gain and Bloat
Some experts say that menopause does cause some weight gain while others say it doesn’t. Most do agree that it does cause some bloating. This makes the woman feel physically uncomfortable. It also affects their appearance. Bloat or extra weight gain affects the way their attire looks. When they want to look sexy and appealing for their partner they don’t feel that way.
Skin Problems
A lot of women go through life with no problems with their skin. All they need to do to keep it looking and feeling beautiful is to use their normal skin care products. During menopause, this may change. The skin may become dry and itchy. Estrogen plays a role in this. As the estrogen reduces so do some of the natural oils in the body. Plus, the body is not able to retain the proper amount of moisture for the skin anymore.
This symptom can have a big effect on the self-esteem. At one time her partner loved the silky feel to her skin. Now some areas are dry and rough to the touch. Then the itch that comes with it really does deflect from the mood in the bedroom.
Hair Thinning
A lot of ladies take great pride in the way their hair looks. They spend a lot of time styling it so it always looks it best. When it is beginning to thin it can be a big challenge to try and style it so this is not noticeable.
Loss of Womanhood
One of the factors of womanhood is the ability to bear children. Once a woman is in menopause this no longer is possible. Lots of women feel that they have lost their self-worth because of this. It affects their self-esteem.
It is most difficult for the women that is doing battles with her self-esteem. How is she supposed to be her warm loving sexy self in the bedroom, with all of this on her mind?
How Does Andropause Affect Self-Esteem
As mentioned, the man going through Andropause can have several of the symptoms that women do. The thoughts that each of them have about them may differ. For example, low libido can be a symptom for both. For the woman, this may not seem as important to her. She may assume that both she and her partner are getting older. So, sex is not as important.
Low Libido for the Male
Low libido is often difficult for men. Many view being sexually active as being part of their manhood. If they no longer have the same interest in sex then something is missing. This affects their self-esteem.
Lack of Self-Confidence
The male gender considers themselves as the head of the home. When confidence begins to dwindle they begin to feel a sense of worthlessness.
Erectile Dysfunction
This is perhaps one of the most devastating side effects of Andropause for the men. Not being able to sexually perform creates all kinds of emotions. Again, their manhood is being attacked and this plays mental havoc on them.
Loss of Vitality
Some men lose muscle mass and strength. This makes them feel like they are not on par with other men.
The Effects on the Relationship
Challenges like these are going to affect the couple’s relationship. In many cases, women will withdraw. They may become depressed. There is an unwillingness to talk about their self-esteem issues. This sort of action can lead to mental issues like anxiety and depression.
Some men respond differently to the self-esteem issues. In what way they do, all depends on whether they understand what is happening to them. Many men are not aware of andropause. They don’t believe that there is such a thing as manopause.
They will sometimes look at their low libido as being a relationship issue. Assuming that the problem is they don’t have the desire for their partner anymore. Yet, they still feel that they may be able to be physically attracted to another woman. For some, this can lead them to cheating on their wives.
They may blame their erectile dysfunction on their partner as well. She is just not doing enough to sexually stimulate him.
All kinds of mental thoughts now erupt that the man is trying to deal with. He is looking for answers as to why his manhood is dwindling. Blaming it on his partner is less frightening and confusing. However, this is now setting up the relationship for one that is going to be in turmoil.
Some women have noticed a big change in their men. They suddenly are more conscious about wanting to work out at the gym. They are paying a lot more attention to their appearance. They become focused on styles, which they never were in the past. They prefer to socialize with the younger people. To women who see this, they say it looks like their man is trying to be young again.
In a sense, these men are trying to regain their youth again, so they can boost their self-esteem.
It is often heard that after twenty-five or thirty years of marriage a couple is splitting up. This is really mind boggling for those on the outside of the relationship to grasp. They just can’t figure out how after all these years something could go wrong.
It is not uncommon to see the males that this has happened to, seek out younger women to partner up with. The very fact that a younger woman finds them appealing is a big esteem booster. The cause of all of this could mostly be due to Andropause.
Many times these men will say they “still love their partner”, but they “are not IN love with her”. Could this be because the sexual compatibility has been lost?
Is There a Solution?
There is lots that can be done about preventing a bad situation from getting worse. The big problem is that both parties are dealing with some big issues of their own. So, who is suffering more? Which partner is going to take the lead to try and help the other first?
Most likely it will have to be you as the woman who takes the first step. This is to help prevent the relationship from crumbling.
Recognize the Early Signs
This means you are going to have to take the focus off your menopause symptoms. You will need to start observing whether your partner is displaying any Andropause symptoms. There are two important reasons for doing this.
- You will discover that the changes that are taking place in your partner are not because of you. You are not causing this. It is not because you have gained a bit of weight. It is not because your hair is a bit thinner, or your skin has lost its silkiness. Once you realize this it can really help lift the pressure off you. It is not your menopause that is the problem for your husband. It is his Andropause.
- Recognizing the signs early means you can start taking some pro-active steps. The signs that have been talked about so far are those that are pretty advanced. Watch for the early signs.
- No longer interested in being competitive
- Not as strong as he used to be
- Motivation is an issue
- Irritable
- Mood swings
- Memory reduction
If you notice these signs you may want to set up a private meeting with his health care provider. This way you can discuss your concerns. This expert will then check the testosterone levels of your partner. This will help support your theory of this possibly being Andropause.
As soon as it has been confirmed that this is what you are dealing with, then you now need to become supportive. It is the little things that you do that will make a big difference. The tendency is when you don’t realize what these signs are, you may become a little judgemental. This just makes it worse for him.
Become a Good Listener
Men don’t tend to open up as much as women do when something is bothering them. You need to gently push the issues to get him to talk about it. Just becoming a sounding board without downplaying what he is going through will help.
Become a Good Talker
Not only do you have to listen, you have to become a good talker. Becoming knowledgeable about Andropause is going to allow you to share information with him. Don’t forget that a lot of the feelings he is dealing with may make him feel guilty. If he is becoming attracted to younger women he is not going to be proud about this. That doesn’t mean that you are going to give him the go ahead to have an affair. It means that you recognize that he may be feeling this way. It shows him that you also understand why.
How About You?
You need to put what is happening to you into proper perspective too. Your menopause symptoms may be sending the wrong signals to your man. He may not understand that your low libido is a symptom, and not about him or his sexual vitality.
It is a common joke that when women don’t want to have sex, it will be “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.” If you suffer menopausal headaches your partner may be getting the wrong signal.
You need to talk about your menopausal symptoms and discuss how they are affecting you. You may want to focus on how they are affecting the relationship. You also may want to recommend that he read Men’s Mini Course for Understanding Menopause.
It’s Not All Doom and Gloom
What is really important for both of you is to realize that Andropause and Menopause is a natural part of life. You can make it a much easier transition if you work at it together. As a woman, this may be highly frustrating for you. This is a time of your life when you need to be able to lean on someone. You were hoping it would be your partner.
If you work at it in a pro-active manner it can actually turn out to be that way. Your big challenge is frustration, and his may be guilt. One you are able to reduce his guilt he will be in a much better position to begin to support you.
Change of Life for Better or Worse?
When some exchange their wedding vows part of these are “for better or for worse”. It makes one think that whoever wrote these was thinking about the change of life years. In any event, you do have a choice. You can make this transition time much easier for you, and teach your man to do the same thing.
After all, we are talking about your relationship. It must be worth fighting for. This is not about a relationship that has gone sour for other reasons.
When there are solutions available to help you both through this why not take advantage of them? This is a time of life that can actually turn out to be the best years of your life. Think of it this way…..
- The kids no longer need your undivided attention
- Your finances are probably better than they ever have been
- You have a lot more free time
- You are still in good health
There certainly is a lot that you can do with all of these benefits as a couple. Look at it as a new and potentially exciting journey in life.
It may seem unfair that you as the woman have to take the lead in this situation with your man. In the long run, though it is well worth it. It could help save and strengthen your relationship. All of this will make your menopause years much easier to handle.
